A few things have changed

How apt is it that the last time I updated this I was announcing the birth of my first child? Proudly proclaiming my intent to work hard at this dad thing and also laying out plans for blog posts of the near future. Well, I've followed through on the former. The latter, no so much. Turns out that raising small humans takes a lot of time and energy.

...Five years later, I'm finally going to put some effort into writing again. Not because I think what I have to say is interesting. Or intelligent. Or even worth reading. But because I need to get some of these things off of my mind. Make some space for something new.

So, what's happened in the half decade since Zoey was born? Quite a lot I suppose. Wasn't quite sure how to summarize it -- but then I remembered the 2016 Christmas Letter I wrote but never actually sent with my Christmas Card.

2016 Christmas Letter (that I never mailed)
Salutations,
I hope this card and letter finds you and your loved one(s) in good spirits this Christmas season. Since having children of my own, I’ve truly come to appreciate the special moments of the holidays – nothing beats it. And, if you don’t have any loved one(s) -- sorry if I touched a soft spot and who needs ‘em anyway! AMIRITE?
 
As I sit here typing, it is currently 3:07am on Thanksgiving morning. Which is fitting. Both, because I have so very much to be grateful for and because this is the only conceivable damn time in which I could spend contiguous, uninterrupted minutes writing a letter that will spend 15 days on your kitchen counter before the clutter kicks your fengshui so completely out of balance that you toss it in the garbage can in a fit of rage.
 
Sorry about that. Also, you might want to see a therapist about your OCD-driven anger issues. Don’t worry about the stigma. You’re not completely crazy. Therapists are wonderful. Trust me.
 
Anyway, to address the elephant in the room, Jen and I are no longer together. By the very nature of you being on my Christmas Card list, you probably know that. If not, SURPRISE!
 
But, have no worries. Things are good. Seriously.
 
I mean, don’t get me wrong, the past 12+ months have been incredibly difficult, challenging, exhausting and frustrating beyond any prior comprehension. But, as Kelly Clarkson (don’t judge!) belts out every day on my morning run, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
 
While nothing about the separation has been easy – for us or the girls – we are, all four, in a much better place for it. Jen bought a house exactly 2 blocks away in our small town (seriously, my address is [redacted], hers is [redacted]). While, for many, it may not seem ideal to be that close to an ex-partner, it’s great for the girls. The reality is that we would see each other all the time anyway – such is the life of living in a town of 1,400 people with one grocery store.
 
The benefits of being so close far outweigh the disadvantages. We can quickly run (literally, run) forgotten items to the other's house. When we transition the girls from one house to the other, we often walk. And, when the girls miss the other parent or are sick, the other parent is only seconds away.
 
I’m thankful that humans have not yet developed the ability to create laser beams with their mind that incinerate those who make them angry. Because we both would be goners….many times over. And probably many times in the future. But, through it all, Jen and I are committed to doing what’s best for the Zoey and Olivia, are in constant communication to be on the same page and have a strong co-parenting relationship.
 
While they still occasionally struggle with mommy and daddy not living together, the girls have adapted incredibly well. And cherish their time with each parent. And, even, kind of like having two houses.
 
We are currently on a 7-day rotation with the girls – we share 50/50 custody. While it’s a long time to go without seeing them, we have found they do best in school without frequent, abrupt changes. The girls like knowing that they are going home to the same house each night and not left wondering “who’s night is it?” While 7 days is the standard, I’m grateful that Jen has been so flexible with my travel schedule for work.
 
I travel approximately 35-40% of the time. And often events are scheduled out of my control which means that it may fall on my week to have Zoey and Olivia. But, Jen and I plan out our schedule ahead of time and it works well.
 
Traveling certainly creates some hardships. Do the math. If I’m gone 40% of the time for work and am a single dad to two toddlers anther 50%, that leaves me with 1 day in every 10 in which to get things done like household repairs/updates, child-free errands, adult socialization and, most importantly, sit on the couch watching TV and zoning out to decompress this seemingly-always spinning brain.
 
While the travel creates a hardship of its own, don’t mistake that for work-related resentment. Quite the opposite, in fact. I have a really great job for a really great company. There are difficult and challenging days, to be sure, but isn’t that part of what makes a great job, great?
 
Many people mistake work-related travel as glamorous. It is not. It’s exhausting, frustrating and cumbersome. But, there certainly are some perks. My company, [redacted], caters to the travel and tourism industries. So, a majority of my time is spent going to places that people want to visit. I’m usually pretty busy but I try to always sneak in a little personal time to make sure I’m getting the full experience.
 
The highlight trip of this year was one in which I took my nephew, Cole. This past summer, between his junior and senior year of high school, he accompanied me on a work trip out East. He had never been on a commercial airplane and had never been out East. So, we flew into NYC and I spent 36 hours trying to show him the highlights of Manhattan. Then, we rented a car and drove upstate to the Catskills where we did a hike called “The Devil’s Path” – called the most dangerous hike in the US by Backpacker magazine. In one day we climbed five peaks which was the equivalent of climbing and descending the steps of the Empire State Building four times. The rest of our trip included visiting Hershey Chocolate headquarters where we saw a Paul McCartney concert, visited Amish country in Lancaster, went to the Gettysburg Battlefield, trekked to Luray Caverns in Virginia, spent a day on the ocean in Cape May, walked the boardwalk in Atlantic City and then spent a couple of days in downtown Philly visiting Constitution Hall, running the steps from the "Rocky" movie and eating Philly Cheese Steaks. All while getting in some pretty critical work.
 
My dad always called Christmas letters “brag letters.” The purpose of the previous paragraph was not to brag but rather bring up a more important point. This trip was incredibly fulfilling for me. Showing my nephew parts of the world he had never seen and experiencing these amazing moments with him was wonderful. It made me realize that one of the things I look forward to most, in life, is being able to take Zoey and Olivia with me on these adventures. That my job and lifestyle afford me the opportunity to do that is one more thing for which I’m incredibly grateful.
 
Speaking of Zoey and Olivia, they are truly the best thing that has ever happened to me. Not sure where I would be in life without them – likely spiraling the gutter of emotional ineptitude and still searching for a purpose in life. They are beautiful and sweet and smart and so unbelievably loving. And challenging.
 
Many of you may know – I never wanted kids. I never felt I had the emotional depth, critical patience or lack of selfishness it requires to raise kids. And, I still probably don’t have those skills. But, I’m so grateful for these two little girls. They have taught me so much and love me unconditionally. Like little Buddha puppies who say “I love you” every five minutes.
 
But, it’s not easy. Not equipped with natural parenting skills, I have to work really hard at it. Harder than I’ve ever worked at anything in my life. And mistakes and missteps occur. I’m trying. And, like all parents I think, I’ll just be happy if they don’t turn out to be deranged psychopath lunatic mass murderers. So far, so good.
 
Zoey turned 4 this past August. She is sweet, honest, caring, emotionally-aware, loving and hyper aware of the world around her. This kid has said some of the most emotionally deep, caring and empathetic things I have ever heard. She’s almost always smiling and gets great joy from spending time with others. Honestly, she’s a cakewalk to parent and charges my batteries.
 
Olivia turned 3 in late October. Olivia is independent, strong-willed, loyal, creative and also very loving. She challenges us every day and makes us pull our hair out. But, through these tough times emerge some of the most wonderful and heart-warming moments. Underneath that tough exterior is this absolutely wonderful, charming and funny little human. She is the yin to Zoey’s yang.
 
And that, I’ve decided, is my life’s goal. To get the two of them to work together. Their personalities are such polar opposites that they actually complement one another perfectly. Zoey brings this emotional depth and empathy for others while Olivia provides the matter-of-fact toughness that Zoey lacks. And when they are working together, the moments are magical.
 
Beyond that singular life purpose, not much else to report. I hope your holidays are wonderful and I look forward to receiving your cards and/or catching up via phone, email or smoke signals.
 
All the best,
Travis, Zoey and Olivia